Trapped In A Broken World – About Commitment

Sacred Link: Joining Fortunes With The Unknown

We've talked much about commitment lately so I thought to share a story with you about the time Kay was studying with Domano and Chea in the early 70s.

When Kay began her studies with them, the only thing they required of her was that she not write about her studies with them nor speak with anyone about the studies.

Kay writes in more detail about that request in The Reluctant Shaman.

She didn't really fully understand the request, but she agreed to follow it.

A couple of years into her studies with her adopted Peruvian grandparents, who have also become very close friends by that time, she got into a bit of a bind with a writing assignment for her studies at UC Santa Cruz.

She ended up writing a story about her experiences while on a spirit journey with Domano and Chea as her assignment.

She was a bit concerned about breaking the commitment, but thought that only the teacher would read her story and that would be the end of it.

Well the story got passed around in class over and over and it got worse with each passing day.

By the time the whole ordeal was over many of her fellow students had read about her experience in the jungle and she felt so guilty and ashamed about breaking her commitment, she knew she needed to tell Domano and Chea and thought this would be the end of her studies with them.

The following is an excerpt from Kay's book, "Sacred Link", Chapter 2, "Trapped In Broken World", and describes her visit to Domano and Chea's home with the intention to confess and her deep concern and fear that this would be the last time she would be seeing them.

"When I arrived Chea opened the door and invited me in. She greeted me as usual and then turned away and went into the kitchen. She almost looked as if she were restraining herself from laughing. I wondered if I looked in particularly bad shape or maybe there was something unsightly on my face. I had been blowing my nose a lot on the walk over, perhaps I had missed with my hanky.

"I sat down on the bench and wiped my nose with my sleeves. They left me alone for a long time. I could hear them clanking around on the counter. I didn't know what I should say to them. Should I confess to them right away or wait? Should I tell them at all? What would happen if I never told them? How would they ever know about it if I didn't bring it to their attention? And if I did, it could mean the end of my training with them. They would probably disappear into the world somewhere and pick another student. I couldn't bear the thought of losing them and the experiences we had had together. But even harder was the feeling of not saying anything to them and trying to continue together as though nothing had happened. It would be the same as lying to them every time I saw them. I might as well be stabbing them in the back while taking all the richness they had so lovingly and carefully given to me.

"No. I had to say something. Right away. The sooner I got it out the sooner I could stop waiting for the floor to fall out from under me.

"Domano came into the room. I could smell the coffee being brewed. Chea opened the back door in the kitchen and a draft of cold air came past me. Domano hugged me and we said our usual hellos. He gave me a quizzical side glance. His eyes were playful and penetrating – they never left me.

"I took a deep breath to begin to talk, but he laughed in bursts as though he was trying to hold it back. 'Been doing some writing? Hmmmmm?' And he broke out in delighted laughter.

"I must have been going into shock. My body wouldn't move. I couldn't figure out how he knew. My limbs started to shake. I felt cold yet I was perspiring and my heart was beating erratically. He should have been furious. Why was he laughing?

"My body slumped back against the glass. Chea came into the room. I couldn't look at her. I was deathly afraid of what ever she would do. She said nothing and sat on the other bench.

"Domano faced me square on. 'You see the kind of webs our masks make? They have no ground. They twist and tear out of our control. They are formed from fibers of fear and they weave things like greed, dishonesty, self importance, two mindedness, guilt, dishonor. A person feels empty and separate, then binds the web up tighter and tighter trying to get control, trying to fill that hole in the web that has no bottom. And they can't.

"'Learn your Song. Learn your masks. Refuse to take part in these broken webs and they pass into death of their own weight. Hold to your center and dance on your Song instead. It is the only way you can stay alive.'

"I began to cry. For the first time I could see what it really was I had been so careless with. It wasn't just a promise whose definition I muddled and misused, it was a whole way of life, a way of actually living in beauty and health. It was my truest friend. It was my very future.

"Chea spoke from across the room, 'The spiral path is a very narrow one. In the beginning it is difficult to walk on day after day. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done. But in time it will be more natural for you. Except by then the path is even narrower. You go from direction to direction as the spiral gets smaller and closer to the center. It seems faster and faster. Sometimes it is harder and harder.'

"Domano added, 'Each direction has its own things to teach, its own way to see the world. Its own pitfalls.' He smiled at me with all his teeth showing.

"I didn't understand why he wasn't mad. He should have been yelling at me and kicking me out of his house. 'Why are you so nice to me? Have I ruined it for myself? Are the teachings over now?' Tears ran down my face. I felt as though I had stabbed my most precious friends in the back. 'Why are you smiling? I hurt you.'

"'You only hurt yourself, Kay,' he said softly. 'For your culture honesty and commitment are some of the hardest things to learn. It's like having big holes on the side of the path. You have to watch carefully with every action so you don't fall. The path is narrow. It's up to you to pick yourself up and continue the journey on the path or off. You learn from it or not. This is your choice. We are here to help you. It is not up to us to turn away from you.'

"Chea got up to get the coffeepot and turned at the kitchen door. 'Commitment means a different thing for you now. Yes?'

"'Yes.' I answered. In a way I was relieved but I felt so awkward and ugly. I didn't deserve this chance.

"She went into the kitchen. Domano stood up and looked out the window toward the Sun and said, 'I will tell you some stories about the directions. The pillars. This is a good time for this."

……

Follow this link to continue this post with Domano's story about the Four Directions.

Song to Song,

Helmut

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